Kiddos

The kids,  this year.  And the kids I work with. 

WHY SO SERIOUS???

If you want to make a great impression with the football dads in town, and show your son who's boss at the same time, pick him up from a Halloween party wearing this.

Halloween,2014

Much better!!!
But, Mary picks again next year.

Come on,iron man!!!

The Walking Dead

Abraham Ford, Axl, 

T- Dog and Lizzie. 

IronE was awesome. Brighton? Sweet kid. For a psycho. 

Super Hello Kitty Man!

Mary wanted to be hello kitty for Halloween, fine, not my favorite but it's her thing. Until it became my thing. While looking for costume ideas online, the girls stumbled across a photoshopped picture of superman from the latest reboot. He had been turned pink, his S replaced with a Hello kitty logo, all while posing like a super hero rock star. It was a belly laugher, but my goal was to get Mary's Hello Kitty costume built. After a month of trial and error, a costume too big for her head was scrapped and after spending 5 times the amount on raw materials than I would have on a costume...I gave up and purchased a cute outfit for her off the rack. But I still had her poorly fitting styrofoam head. Fit me fine, as it turns out. And I had spray paint. And the party store sold a cape and tights. SO... On a rain soaked miserable October 31- 2013, I donned my outfit, met up with neighbors bearing adult hot chocolate, and escorted our littlest door to door under a pink umbrella. To quote the comic book guy-

Best. Halloween. ever!

 Next year? Thank Java I have a year to think.

MICHONNE'S PETS!

HELLO TWD FANS!!!
Last Halloween, I got the bug to build my own enormous, giant, incredible THE WALKING DEAD front yard display.
I only got as far as this...and collecting all the NERF guns in the house for painting...but it's a start. For those of you who have the time, inclination and ability, here's a few shots of what you can do on the cheap. And I have an idea of how it can be finished...at the end. Hope these ideas help, and I'd LOVE to see the final results you come up with!
Materials:
Styro-wig heads 2 male, 1 female (unless YOU want to be Michonne!) Spray paints of various colors, a rough saw (like a drywall saw),Xacto knive,a braided or dreadlock wig, some fake teeth and fake eyeballs.

Step 1. Hobby Lobby or most other craft stores have these great Styrofoam wig heads. I found these in the same store, 2 male and more "female" model. NOTE: The male heads are very "Clark Kent" looking, hardly the emaciated Zombie pets we all know and love. Don't worry, you will pretty them up in a jiffy!

Step 2. Get some spray paint,(rattle cans for our U.K. friends)- small cans will work great since you wont need much. I used 2 shades of brown and some black, blue, yellow and red all of which were laying around the Zombie workshop. Did I say workshop? I meant garage. Did I say garage? I meant shed.
You wont need any particular skills with painting or artistic background for the next step, in fact the more random you are the better!

Step 3. Pick up some fake teeth and, if you can find them, some plastic eyeballs. It's Halloween...Shouldn't be too hard.

Step 4. MAKE ZOMBIES! Start with the male heads, these will be the "Pets." Using the drywall saw, cut a horizontal slit along the lips about 2-3 inches deep, leaving the top lips intact. I used the drywall saw since it gave a rough jagged cut. Next, cut a few vertical slits from the chin up to the lips cut you made. Then, using your fingers, start tearing away the Styrofoam in chunks. NOTE: This is MESSY! Small pits of polystyrene get everywhere. Do this in a place thats easy to clean up, and have a small vac nearby.

Step 5. Add some trauma, gouge out the eye sockets to make room for the eyeballs, chop off the nose ala Michael Jackson, OR...spray them black for a sunken effect.
Use the saw to make some slashes in the skin, be creative, it's really YOUR pet afterall...

Step 6. Spray paint! Ok...Before you begin, a words about polystyrene and spraypaint. The Styrofoam will bubble, melt and get gooey depending on how liberally you use it. This IS A GOOD THING! You are making a Zombie...let the properties work to your benefit. THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR MICHONNE!!! Shes a beauty with a nice complexion...keep her that way! If you are painting her, use VERY LIGHT passes with the spray.You might even want to experiment with other paints, like latex. I have not used them so I can't tell you how it will work.

As for the Zombies, you can go nuts. If possible, grab a chunk of Styrofoam from some packaging and practice. Spraying a bunch in one area causes the foam to melt and sink, which you can use around the cheeks and in the jaw cavity.
SPRAY TIPS. Start with the overall skin tone, the brown paint lightly over the whole thing. Then the trauma and the eye sockets by painting them black. Then, over the scars, splotches of blue and yellow for bruising. Black out the missing jaw and add red for blood. Then, let it all dry for a while, and come back and do it all again. The paint will soak in and become flat the first few passes. After it dries, the subsequent layers will hold a better gloss. This is important for the blood!

Using Gorilla glue (careful it foams, use it sparingly) or hot glue, add the teeth. (I actually just pressed by mine into the foam, but they fell out after a good rain)
You now have the basics...the rest is up to you, add blood, bits of flesh, eyeballs (colored white or yellow) go nuts, have fun and HAPPY HALOWEEN!!
Oh, remember when I said I had an idea for the rest of the body? Our local Walgreens has a life size skeleton for sale, sadly it's $50. Way out of my range...but here's what I would do if I could.
Remove the skull and arms, and wrap the rib cage in the shrink wrap window covering sold at hardware stores. Grab a hair dryer and shrink wrap it like thin skin over the ribs. Spray it all with brown, add your head from above and some stuffed jeans and you have 2 perfect pets for your display.
Lucky You!
-Ken

Big brother oh brother

Today marks the day google unifies over 60 separate privacy policies into one all encompassing spy fest. In short, it promises to gather all the information it can from you, from all of its services, this blog included, and use it any way it wants. I am terrified. I deleted my Facebook account yesterday, and now I'm looking into undoing 13 years of Internet surfing.

Bring out your dead!!!

In my lifetime a Zombie apocalypse is most assuredly going to happen, and when it does I shall be ready for it. I say this with the same level of confidence I normally reserve for knowing that if I am ever aboard a commercial flight whereby both pilots have succumbed to Acute Bavarian Diverticulitis, I will be able to ease behind the controls and bring that puppy in, all 200 tons with souls on board unscathed. How? Simple...I own a pirated copy of MS FLIGHT SIM 2003. As far as zombies are concerned, that's mere child's play in comparison. Zombies, (Walkers, for you purists,)are simple creatures with traits that require specific rules of engagement. Once all of those rules are clearly understood, surviving is limited by only ones creativity and preparation. But how does one prepare? Movies. Lot's of 'em.Since the first time I saw Barbara laugh off the warning..."they're coming to get you...!!!" I was hooked on all living dead. I'm far from alone. Zombies seemingly have become the hottest cold cut the little shop of horrors we call Hollywood has to offer, and based on all things undead out there, we don't seem to be leaving the menu any time soon. YUM! I have been wondering lately why zombies seem to be so popular, and I have a theory. We can probably thank sexy vampire movies with stories revolving around horny supernatural monster teens trying to get in the pants of vapid valley girl ho-bags. Team Dumbass, anyone? For the rest of us post pubescent non female types, zombies not only appeal to us on a horror level but fend off any wandering interlopers from the Twilight camp with an effective display of shotgun blasts, splattered blood and rotting flesh. It's a win win, and operates on the same principal as offensive odors emanating from one's man cave. Enter at your own risk.Zombie flicks have come a long way since the original life challenged wobblers first whined for "Braiiiinnnnnsssss..."in the 60's. With each movie borrowing or expanding on a previous idea, zombies have evolved, devolved and changed countless times, with few exceptions, but almost all are defined by the following rules. 1. Zombies may not all eat brains to survive, but they do need them to walk. A head shot is the only way to take one down.2. They were dead before zombification, and not just Princess Bride "mostly dead", but dead-dead. 3. They infect others with a bite, usually while trying to eat the victim.4. Zombies attack the living only...not each other. 5. Loosely placed boards over windows and doors can keep them out of buildings.* 6. They must eat constantly, and are never not hungry. 7. All zombies are mindless...devoid of emotion or reasoning. (* All makeshift barricades will fail over time. Usually moments after a plan is hatched to escape the building before they get in. ) Luke and I spent this fall eagerly awaiting Sunday evenings, when we could turn off the lights, sit on the floor in front of the couch and catch the latest episode of "The Walking Dead" season 2, on AMC. (This was officially season one for Luke, since I had decided it was only right to keep him from such nightmarish images until he was at least 12, or until he could successfully pass level 6 in CALL OF DUTY Modern Warfare/Zombies. Being father of the year? work work work.)Suffice it to say we have been marinating in the rotting entrails of the undead for long enough to know how to handle any world wide outbreak that might spread. Luke is the sniper and weapons expert, (NERF,all models) I have the home front, and the girls? They are in charge of eye rolling and wandering off to catch up on Barbies and Real Housewives. As for the rest; 1. The house...We live inside a Boulder with windows. The outside walls are 10 inch thick formed concrete. Covered in small granulated stone flake, they are solid, abrasive and awesome. Any zombie trying to gnaw his way thru them will be turned to grated zombie Parmesan. 2. The Windows...Standard 2 pane brittle cracked old house glass, incapable of not breaking all by themselves for no good reason, let alone under the strain of hordes of brain munchers. No worries...we have...3. Scrap wood. I have a garage full. As any zombie aficionado is aware, the standard method of sealing off entrances to a residence during a crisis is hurriedly, with a tack hammer, bent rusted nails and scrap wood. Check check and check-4. Duct tape. A few years ago, I took a free CERT course given by homeland security here in Palatine. It was during that class that we learned what all the fuss was about duct tape. Using it to seal off cracks in the windows and doors keeps out any potential gasses and viruses let loose accidentally or by terrorists. Since BOTH are the preferred method by which all zombie apocalypses start...we are safe. I have 40 rolls.Now it's simply a matter of waiting for it all to go down...and when it does, look for us to be on the roof, giddily taking out the neighborhood, one walker at a time.

Cleveland, Ohio

Cleveland is a strange and depressing place. People seem to move about the city with sort of a bewildered amble, as if they can't believe they got left behind. There is no polish here. It is rust stained concrete and old timey looking store fronts. There are loading docks and warehouses and mismatched architecture and weeds. It reminds me of my grandfathers basement workshop in a way. A lot of old but useful and needful things, hoping to be remembered. Faded signs and ancient streetlights hang overhead. Below, cracked pavement and patched potholes obscuring traffic lanes. Some of the streets wind around small valleys which seem to promise a view as you approach, then pull a bait and switch when you arrive and show instead the skeletons of some industry left to decay. There are car shops and muffler shops and submarine sandwich places everywhere, broken up by the occasional shot and a beer joint. Kids leaving school do so in a hurry, loudly bypassing the playgrounds and disappearing into the folds of the neighborhood. There may be a vibrant nightlife here, but it was planted here, like a pacemaker in a damaged heart. Nothing here is dying, but nothing feels really alive.

Farewell Steve Jobs

And thank you...

Bridgets. 9th B day sleepover

D R A M A. omg

Merry Christmas!!!


Yep, the card is late…sorry, it seems to get later every year.
Next year’s Christmas card will come around August (right after I send out our 4th of July invitations.)

Hopefully this letter finds you in pre, present or post holiday merriment and joy! We are doing our best here to keep the meaning of Christmas above the stress and craziness that goes with it all.

We all started the year out with a trip to see the Grand Canyon and catch a pre-season Cub game in Arizona. If you have not yet seen the Grand Canyon, it should be high on the list…”amazing” just doesn’t cut it.

Luke and Bridget are rocking in the report card department, and Mary has graduated to “Destroyer” earning her black belt in ROOM TRASHING and BOOK RIPPING. We are keeping an eye on that development.

This year’s card is a little different. I wanted to share with you one of my favorite things to do, and because of that, this card comes with specific instructions. Before turning this page over, please prepare by completing the following steps.

1. Get a nice hot cup of coffee or tea. (For those of you on the North shore or West coast, you may substitute a Grande double decaffeinated alfalfa mocha latte half-caf or whatever the current popular coffee house nonsense makes ya happy!)

2. Gather the current newspaper, find your favorite place to sit on a quiet afternoon, spread the paper all around your feet and read the funnies. Include these funnies. This is a collection of some memories and moments from the past year, in funny pages format. I always hear we should be in the funny pages…so be it!

3. Fall asleep.

(EXTRA CREDIT) When you’re done, and it’s time to clean up the Christmas clutter-give this to the kids to color, fold into Christmas origami, start a Yule log… hey it’s your card, make something up!

4. Have a Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. Our wish for you is that you always find ways to smile, and laugh at yourself. (We will continue to laugh at you. Laugh…and point.)

Love…Ken, Jill, Luke, Bridget, Mary and…no that’s it…ANDERSON!

R.I.P. Mr. Santo

Today the Chicago Cubs lost thier biggest fan, and Cubs fans lost the best ally they ever had to ward off the 100+ year blues.
Thanks Ron, for your charity, your selfless work for JDRF, and for your inspiration.
Thank you mostly...for the laughs!

From one die hard to another...

A New Brew Review: Saint Bridgets Porter

I guess it's time to take my beer snobbery to a new level...Brew Reviews. Why the hell not? Afterall, most reviewers have not the first, slightest clue about what they are reviewing. (Okay, thats MY opinion, and this being MY blog, my opinion is all that matters. Deal.) That being said, since I have no expertise in all matters beer, (aside from a family history of over indulgers and a spanking beer belly starter kit,) I'd say I'm perfectly within my rights to give you a well balanced review. And let's be real, if what I type can get you to TRY a nice IPA instead of a case of MGD 64 or some other GOD AWFUL SWILL...then my work here is done. Until another beer comes my way.

SO HERE GOES KIDS...MY FIRST BREW REVIEW!
NAME:SAINT BRIDGET'S PORTER
TYPE:(ROBUST)PORTER
BREWER:GREAT DIVIDE BREWING COMPANY
DOM/IMP:DOMESTIC,DENVER
COLD/WARM:COLD
BOTTLE/CAN/GLASS/OTHER:GLASS
WEBSITE: http://www.greatdivide.com/

SNOB REVIEW: Porter's , or stout beers, are not my favorites for a few reasons. Dark, peppery or chocolaty notes are hard to pair with anything for me, especially cold which is how we Yanks drink 'em. Secondly, porters are heavy, slow beers that don't lend well to pounding, and have a hard time following each other at all. (Okay unless you are a soccer hooligan. I'm not.) Most porter's I have tried have a flat finish and dead weight along with the dark root beer coloring. This beer did however stand out just a little. Very little head, dark body and open airy aroma on pour were all present, but the harsher notes were not at first sip. A pleasant, clean, malty finish that almost disappears after a sip or a slug. Most beers with that nature are watery or cheap, but this was not in the least. It simply has a full body with little left to say afterwards. I'd pair this with BBQ ribs or a nice steak and taters, or maybe a swordfish. I'd be careful with chicken, despite what the label suggests.
Overall rating: 7 out of 10
REGULAR GUY REVIEW.
This is one of those "black" beers, like Guinness. It smells kinda skunky and taste's like licorice a little bit. Big chugs taste bitter, so you should sip it until you get used to the taste. You'll want to look like you know what your doing if you order one up, so get it in a glass, because no matter how cold the damn thing is it'll taste warm in a bottle. Tilt the glass slightly and pour quick, the foam wont pop up too much.
SHOT PAIRINGS: Jagermeister. Chugability: 1 out of 5


OTHER/SPECIALS:According to the label, St. Bridget was the patron Saint of Ireland known for transforming her bathwater into beer for thirsty clerics. This may explain the silhouette of a curvy girl dancing on the label. Why, I have no idea.

The Luke and Billy show!

WHAT A GAME!!! WHAT A GAME!!! WHAT A GAME!!! DATELINE; JUNE 29TH, PALATINE IL
WHITE SOX VS. ORIOLES
Memories are sometimes made from moments that appear in the blink of an eye. The video below is only 30 seconds long, but it shows 30 seconds that will stay with us for a lifetime. It's a grainy, shaky video of a baseball game played June 29th during the Palatine "World Series" game. Billy, Lukes best friend, had reached first base on a walk and proceeded to steal second, then third!. "Thats a start!" we called...one run was all we needed! It was the bottom of the eighth, extra innings for little leage. A few seconds before the video was shot, I was scrambling to get the phone from my pocket and turn on the recorder. "LUKE HAS ANOTHER CHANCE!" his aunt reminded me. ANOTHER! It suddenly hit me...I turned to reply, and noticed the crowd had doubled. The other baseball games had ended, curious coaches and parents strolled over to see the end of the big game. Some of Luke's past coaches were there, "What's the score? Who's at the plate? Tied? Wow, exciting game!..." Exciting was an understatement. The sox had taken and lost an early lead, and watched the other team steadily add runs. But in the 5th Billy made an awesome double play at third, and in the 6th they started a comeback. With bases loaded and 2 strikes, Luke had plinked one up the middle. Two were in, the score was tied, and I strutted over to Jill..."He did it! He tied the game!" I was beaming. Nothing else could have made me more proud, afterall he had told me he was nervous before he got to the plate. I suppose he had reason to be nervous, his Grandpa was watching, too. Grandpa,or 'Coach' as his kids still call him, had been working with Luke on his swing. He had put what he had learned to good use. If nothing else happened, I couldn't have been happier for him. Now all we hoped for was an extra innings win! LUKE HAS ANOTHER CHANCE!" was ringing in my ears. I scrambled for my cell phone, there at Home plate was my son, watching a kid fire fastballs at him like a pitching machine. "VOOM! BALL ONE! VOOM! STRIKE ONE!" It had become very quiet, I clicked record. 'VOOM..STRIKE TWO!"- "Yer swingin' early Luke! Yer swingin' early! his teammates chanted. "EYE ON THE BALL BUDDY! KEEP YER EYE ON THE BALL...

MAYHEM!!!! "THAT'S MY BOY!!!" I called... I don't remember how far the ball went, or where it landed...30 feet, 430 feet...it didn't matter. A sweet "PING" and the ball dropped before it was touched somewhere up the middle... Billy chugged across home plate and turned to mob Luke with the rest of the team. One of Lukes coaches slapped me on the back "GET OUT THERE!" he said... I met him at the fence, wanting to grab him and hug him and squeeze him and embarass him...but settled for a hair ruffle and slap on the butt. His smile said everything, and he saved his big hug for his Grandpa, "Coach", sitting in the front bleachers. A few moments later, the Ump handed Jill the game winning ball. "Mrs. Anderson, this belongs to you." Tears all around. 30 seconds are on the video...but the moments I never captured will stay with us forever. Luke was over it by the next day, there was a summer of fun out there, and he and Billy had plans, and both of them were done answering questions, but I suppose that's how it's supposed to work. Every time I bring up the hit, Luke reminds me of the run...It was Billy who got crossed the plate, afterall. Congrat's to the Palatine 5th grade White Sox! You ALL made us proud!

Faboo

Down with the Flu...boo hoo.
Luke and I both got whalloped. So much for not being sick all year.

I have the urge to start bloggin' again, and once I think of something to say I will. Until then, chicken noodle soup, sleep, and NyQuil dreams await...

WOW...JUST....wow..

Thanks Russ, for the flashback.
You will pay for this!!!
Jim Fucciolo, me and Russ Huebner
Graduation day 1986
York High School.
(Not pictured, my Duck shoes and the Duckster glasses.)

Party like it's Dec.21, 2012

Here's what scares me.

A few days ago I upgraded my beloved yet outdated flip phone to a brand new shiny hot mess of touch screen techno-coolness. Not only does this thing have built in GPS,Mp3,Video player, blue tooth and of all things...T.V. (complete with a retractable r2d2-esque antenna) But I'm told by a few people "in the know" that it makes...get this...PHONE CALLS!

All for about a hundred bucks, give or take a hundred bucks for chargers,carrying cases, blue-toothy ear thingies and plastic screen covers to protect the existing plastic screen cover.

Not bad...but what amazes me the most isn't what comes WITH the phone...but what comes seperatly. A memory chip, one quarter the size of a postage stamp and costing less than $15.00.

A memory chip that can hold 100 cd's worth of music, a few hundred pictures and even some video...give or take. No moving parts...no lights, batteries...nothing fancy...just a thin flake of plastic and magic that clicks into the side of the phone. And I bought the cheap one.
Whoah.

So what's next? More memory, cheaper.
Every year, roughly, the technology to store data doubles while the price decreases. If I'm blown away by this little chip, I won't be able to comprehend what we are in store for in ten years...that is...if we are still around at all.

Which brings me to the title of this little blurb...go ahead and google the date 12/21/2012. In short, the Aztec calander ends on that date...and so,ironically, does the I-Ching prophecy.
Perhaps by that date, the machines we create will have taken over, thanks to all that memory.
Or, maybe... they will just erase all the crap we have been downloading and replace every Megabit with Air Supply.
Either way...the world ends.

I constantly smell smoke when no one is smoking

Of all the stupid problems someone could have, this is the one I get stuck with.

For the past few weeks, I have been smelling cigarette smoke regardless of where I am, or what time of day it is. To add to the problem, my eyes sting as if I were sitting in a dark corner bar filled with smokers while drowning my sorrows in a tall Jack and Beer chaser, only without the ambiance.
This sucks, because I used to smoke.
I quit because, among other things, It stunk. NOW I can't get away from it.
And I have to suffer without the benefit of the smooth, relaxing calm that comes from a long draw on a short red. Nope...just the stink, like an old ashtray left is the rain.
Like my car USED to smell like.

Here's the kicker, when I say constant...I mean constant. Usually, a person gets accustomed to a particular smell, given prolonged exposure to it. But this is maddening.
It's ever present, like Chinese water torture, it won't go away.
So, after I decided I was going nuts, I Googled the problem on the off chance one other person had the same stupid problem.

Boy...I am not alone.
Go ahead, Google "smell smoke when no one is smoking..." and read up on the matter.

Seems like there's a lot of me...plenty of symptoms...no cures. No advice.
Woo hoo.